Life With DreVae

Hey ya'll and welcome back! I wanted to write this blog in hopes of finding help, guidance and some sort of accountability.  So many people have expressed how strong of a woman I am.  Even though I am thankful for being viewed as such I feel like the complete opposite.  Like my life is crumbling right before me, and even though on the outside I look "strong" the inside is so weak.   Before my life got turned upside down, I was on track to finally being healthy for once in my life.  Eating healthy and working out had become my lifestyle.  I had gotten to feeling the best I have ever felt.  With each day that I got farther along my journey the more confident I was becoming.  When I looked in the mirror I actually loved who I saw.  You could say I was genuinely happy from the inside out.  As if everything seemed to be so right.  For once I was becoming closer to being at the top of my own priority list. Not ...

Hey Ya'll it has been a while... Something or should I say someone has been telling me that I should make this post.  Eventually, I will get back to posting more blogs.  I personally have been feeling like this particular post though couldn't have been shared at a better time.  In this post I would like to share my spiritual journey.  How even in the darkest moment of my life God was the only one that seemed to be there. Friday January 19 of this year I had gone to my room to get ready for bed.  This dark wave came over me, and I was unsure of what was about to take place.  I had just gotten into bed and then boom, a continuous stream of tears rolled down my face.  During the crying I had a panic attack and couldn't seem to breathe.  The crying continued the entire night and when I woke up the next day it was as if my soul had been taken away.  During the night the only thing I could do was cry out to Jesus.  In the dark...

Hey Ya'll and Welcome Back 💞 As much as I love blogging and starting this blog has been one of the best things for me, for my own health and well being I need to take time away.  I want to be able to put out really good content and I have felt like I have failed at that lately.  Balancing school, this blog, and trying to figure out my new reality have all been stressing me out.  In order for me to prevent myself from going crazy I need to focus on one thing at a time.   I am experiencing all kinds of emotions and feelings right now that I can't explain.  School has been a challenge within itself and am trying to put in my best effort to keep my 4.0.  Even though I have no motivation left in me this semester to achieve that.  This has been the worst year of my life and effects of this year are catching up with me. I'm just not ok right now.  I can't continue to run away from this year and all the pain it has brought.   ...

Hey Ya'll and Welcome Back💞 For todays blog post I want to write about knowing an actual Wonder Woman. Yesterday after mass I stopped at Walgreens to pick up a few things.  I asked dad if we could just have a chill day.  Chill meaning get some movies from red box and have a movie day.  Also my kind of chill where I just wanted to lay on the couch and not get up.  My moms passing hit me really hard this week and I can't begin to tell you the pain that has hit me.  This week has been an absolute struggle and crying has become something I do multiple times a day.  Staying at home seems to be the only thing I want to do right now.  I have to muster up this strength each morning just to get out of bed and get out of the house.   With that being said one of the movies I have been really wanting to see is Wonder Woman.  So many people have been telling me that I should.  Thankfully today it was at red box and it was the fi...

Hey Ya'll and Welcome Back💞 For todays post I want to talk about a moment that happened two days after mom passed. As you all know my family and I are huge Alabama Football fans!  While we had other family in town and as something to do Coach Aly offered to give us a tour.  This wasn't just any tour but like the ultimate tour at The University of Alabama.  Not just of our athletic facility but also of the football facility. Right before mom passed I just asked God give me some kind of sign that she was ok.  Just something I want you to keep in mind while reading this.  Also I have several pictures for this post so it will be more picture based. One of our first stops of this tour was going into Nick Saban's office.  Yes you read that correctly and this is actually a picture I took of his desk.  I honestly would've been happy if this was all that we saw.  He had just left when we got there and his cell phone and fresh coffee were on ...

Hey Ya'll and Welcome Back 💞 In order for me to move on and continue with this blog, I must share a moment that has been hard for me to relive again.  Every time I think that I am ready to write this specific post, I end up doing things to keep me busy so I don't have to. I guess no time is ever a good time and I am still not full ready.  If I could continue to put it off I would.  Let's be honest I am not ready to accept my new reality, but if I am going to start healing it starts with this post. Wednesday October 11, 2017 the day mom would be transported for the final time to the hospice house.  At that time she had become unresponsive (in terms of not verbally communicating) and hadn't eaten or drank in a couple of days.  Even though she wasn't able to verbally communicate she was still herself.  Thursday mom had gotten pain medication and as soon as it went into her body she began her rapid decline.   The nurses didn't thin...

Hey Ya'll and Welcome Back 💞 For today's blog post it is all about a very special person. Today is my amazing dads birthday.  He deserves a day that is all about him.  I know that it is going to be hard to want to celebrate today.  When dad and I think about today it is hard for us to want to be happy.  It isn't because it is dads birthday but a reminder of the hardest day of our lives. I want this to be a happy post though.  Will try my best dad to not make you cry! Dad I can't tell you how blessed and thankful I am to have you as my dad.  Today we celebrate another year of your life.  I feel like you deserve a day that is all about you.  Dad you always put others before yourself.  You are selfless and have one of the most caring hearts.   I think back to last Friday and Saturday.  In so many ways I feel like mom was sending you an early birthday gift.  From the ultimate UA tour to attending a...

Hey Ya'll and Welcome Back 💞 For todays post I wanted to share what it is like having a sister with autism. Rachel or as she likes to be called Rae Rae is my older sister.  Rae is high functioning autistic.  She is more independent than others with more severe forms.  Rae can take a shower by herself, eat, dress and do more independent type things.  One thing though is Rae could never live on her own.   Looking back now I feel like my parents did an incredible job raising the both of us.  I mean this in the sense that they never looked down upon Rae or treated her any differently.  It wasn't until I got older that I realized that Rae had autism.  I thank my parents for this because it made me learn to accept and love others at a young age.  To me Rae was just my older sister. As Rae and I got older I became more aware of her autism.  I guess I was able to understand it better and just saw that she needed ...

Hey Ya'll and Welcome Back 💞 For todays post I wanted to share how powerful animals can be. Animals are such beautiful creatures.  In many ways they are the best kind of therapy.  They somehow are able to comfort us without having to say a word.  It's like they just know exactly what kind of obstacles were facing.  Animals don't judge us and are able to love in a way that is unique. On Sunday two therapy dogs came by to see mom.  Portia the greyhound in the picture above, and Farley a rat terrier.  They walked into the room and moms eyes lit up.  She has missed being away from her puppy and these puppies filled a void for her.  Portia came over to the side of the bed and just gently laid her head down.  It was her way of saying hi to mom. Each and every day it has become harder for mom to move her left hand and arm.  It has gotten more weak just in the last week.  Farley got up onto the bed.  He just cuddl...

Hey ya'll and Welcome back 💞 For todays post I wanted to just talk about the things we take for granted in everyday life. My moms journey has taught me many things.  One of the most important things it has taught me is the things in which we take for granted.  She has opened my eyes and to view life in a much different way.   I was in the room while they were bathing mom on Friday.  As I was sitting there it just really hit me that something as simple as a bath was very challenging for her.  It moved me to talk about how to be grateful for the little things in life.  Hopefully after reading this you will learn to just enjoy something as simple as using your hands and feet. Mom used to be able to enjoy so much in life.  Things such as taking a shower independently, eating on her own, going to an actual restroom, walking, communicating, and even something as simple as scratching her nose.  This list is endless and each new d...

 Hey Ya'll and Welcome Back 💞 For todays post I want to share about a team that has become a family to us. I am a big believer of God placing people in your life for a reason.  My second semester at UA I was taking a biology course.  In that course I met one of my closest friends Alexis Osorio.  For those who don't know, Alexis or as I call her Lex is a pitcher for Alabama Softball.  We sat by each other and were in the same group for a group project.  I knew who Lex was because my family and I love watching Alabama Softball and the fact that she was in my class was awesome.  Lex and I began talking more and one day I asked her where the student section was for the game.  I also shared with her how much my family enjoyed the games.  They were having a tournament and Texas Tech happened to be one of the teams in that tournament.  I shared with Lex how Tech was like our second favorite school that we had a special place in our he...

Hey Ya'll and Welcome Back 💞 For today's post I wanted to share how quickly something can change a bad day around. After my classes I have been walking back to the parking lot in which I park on campus.  It is a chance for me to get in some form of exercise. Also, it is a time I can just talk to God and just think.  Normally my walks are great and no troubles at all.  This day in particular though was not the same.  As I was walking minding my own business, this Range Rover with two guys in it drives by.  They were stopping at the light I just passed.  I am the only person on the sidewalk at this time. The driver yells, "hey girl," in a sarcastic making fun of voice.  (my hair on top of my head and looking like a hot mess)  I look up at the guy and he and his friend are busting out laughing.  The passenger was making this your disgusting face and was also shaking his head.  I kept on walking fighting back tears, and was thi...

Hey Ya'll and Welcome Back 💞 For todays post I wanted to share what our go to escape is.  I wish I had a picture from Saturday of the four of us.  We were all gathered around moms bed watching the Alabama game.  Even mom had her Alabama shirt on and it was just one of those moments I will hold onto forever. When mom was first diagnosed with cancer a month later we attended an Alabama football game.  Even though our lives had changed we still found a place to get our mind off of the negativities of moms cancer.  Alabama Football seemed to be a place we turned to help us during a hard time.  It took all of our minds off of what we were dealing with personally.  In some ways it even brought the four of us closer. On Sunday at mass Nick Saban sat behind me.  (yes you read this correctly, the head coach of Alabama).  When I turned around for the peace be with you and saw him and Ms. Terry (his wife) I tried so hard to contain mysel...