Week 2 Update

Hey Ya'll and Welcome Back 💞

     For todays blog post I wanted to share my second week of my 12 week program.  

So here it is:

     Week 2 - 

     
     The first day of this week was what I thought would be a good start to the week.  I mean Monday's are usually not everyones best day.  For me Monday was good to me.  I tried the Monster Ultra Zero as a pre workout drink.  Never in my life have I been an energy drink kind of girl but it was delicious.  I like that Monster in particular because it has excellent macros and I don't feel guilty drinking it.   The drink also gave me lots of energy that carried on well after my workout.  It didn't leave me feeling jittery or weird and something I will continue to drink a few times a week.

     One part of me sharing each week is that I want to be very honest.  Share the highs, lows and in betweens.  I would be lying if I said that this week was a breeze and each day was so great!  😏  Tuesday was when my not so great week began.  After having a really good Monday I felt positive that it would be a good week.  During my workout on Tuesday I had a break down.  The song "Scars to your Beautiful," by Alessia Cara came on.  I really listened to the words to take my mind off the pain of my workout.  This was the first time I guess I had really listened to those words and it just struck this chord.  When I first started my weight loss journey 3 years ago I wasn't fully doing this for myself.  It was more of trying to impress others and I was worried about finally being accepted.  That song was a reminder for me that besides becoming healthy for my family this journey needed to be for myself.  In that moment I just let myself go and gave everything up to God.  It's time to put myself first and not do this to try to impress anyone.  Tears rolled down my cheeks as I worked out and I just felt like that moment was much needed.  

     Wednesday came and so did another breakdown.  I don't know if it was the fact it was my lowest carb day and I was just not at my 100% or what exactly was going on.  My family is always here for me and I love them dearly but I just felt super alone that day.  I was scrolling on Instagram (which was a bad idea) and just got really down.  After that moment I thought it was best to delete IG off my phone and focus on other things.  It's not about how many likes you get but IG reminds me of a popularity contest.  Most people don't know this but in all honesty I feel forgotten.  I try to check in with people as much as I can but just for once would love to be checked on.  Just because I put on a happy face and try to be positive doesn't mean everything is going great.  A part of me just doesn't feel like I belong and I even question my worth and value in this world.  This may sound ridiculous but in that moment that's how I felt.  It is something I have struggled with for a while now.  I cried myself to sleep and just asked God "why do I feel so alone, and to please help me find my purpose."  I have a huge heart and just want to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance.  Their are a couple of friends that have been there for me and for them I am thankful.  

     The rest of the week seemed to get better and I realized I needed to get out of this funk.  To stop feeling sorry for myself and channel that energy into my workouts and bettering myself.   One positive from this week was that I have really fallen in love with cooking.  It is so fun being able to create healthy, macro - friendly recipes and I am not just eating the same thing each day.  I also hit my macros better this week and it gives me so much joy when they are right on point.  The last thing I wanted to share was on Friday is a butt and thigh workout.  Something was missing for me during this workout and I just didn't feel like I was getting a good pump.  This workout in particular is so much better when it is one of my highest carb days.  When I have a lower carb day on this workout day I need to make sure to get more of my carbs in right before to maximize more pump and to give me more energy.  

     So this was my week it was the week of breakdowns.  At the end of the day sometimes you need to just let it all out and cry.  A lot of this was just building up and I honestly just hit my limit.  This is the beauty of this journey is being able to really discover yourself especially during the lows.  If your feeling alone just remember that I am here and you are loved.

Until next time, have a great day and God Bless😊