The Past Month...

Hey Ya'll and Welcome Back💞

I wanted to explain why I haven't uploaded a blog post in a while.  

The picture I chose today is a major part of why I've been so busy.  I began classes again and just wanted to show off the beauty of UA.  My school schedule is Monday through Friday and I'm a full time student.  This semester has been hard for me though.  I love learning and attending my classes, the problem I am having is wanting to be social.  A huge part of me just wants to be able to attend each of my classes and not talk to anyone.  I have changed in a major way ever since receiving the news on mom.  Some of my classes are also challenging for the simple fact what we talk about is something I can relate to.  

Earlier this week I really wanted to withdrawal from this semester.  School became overwhelming and I just didn't know how I could get through this semester.  I felt guilty for going to school and be away from mom.  In between and after my classes I help attend to mom which has become a job in its self.  (Not complaining just sharing my stress.) The reason I am not giving up is for my mom.  She takes so much pride in me doing well in school.  I don't ever want to let her down and each day I work hard at school to make her proud.  

With that being said I also wanted to update everyone on how mom was doing.  If you read my previous post on her you know she is now under hospice care.  When she got referred to hospice mom was still able to get up and walk with a walker.  Since my last update on her things have drastically declined.  These tumors taking over her brain are no joke.  Her decline is something that is happening very fast.  

The last day mom got up and took steps was Wednesday August 30th. She took a couple of steps to get from the recliner to a wheel chair.  The wheel chair that would transport her to the hospice house.  Mom stayed in the hospice house for a five day evaluation.  During those five days mom changed even more and in that point became bed bound.  Meaning she has not gotten out of bed since.  I remember helping the nurse at hospice try to help mom to a bed side commode.  As soon as mom sat up I knew that this was not going to go well.  I didn't want to be negative but just knew her physical capabilities were failing her.  Her brain was not getting the message to her feet to do something as simple as take a step.  

It has sadly gotten worse for her.  Her right side has shut down and she is not capable of even lifting or moving her leg,foot,hand,arm and fingers on that side.   It has gotten to the point where she can't do anything independently anymore.  Do you know how hard it is to watch someone you love go through this?  Even her speech is not the same and it takes time for her to even communicate with us.  I feel so helpless and just wish I could do more.  

This whole process of mom has happened way to quickly for me to accept.  It has literally become a day by day thing with her.  Last Sunday at church I had this conversation with God.  I shared with him that whenever he was ready to call mom home I would accept that.  This doesn't make any of this easy for me.  I would be lying if I didn't say I am being selfish and want my mom here on earth with me.  I want to be able to share with mom major moments in my life.  She is my best friend and my hero.  

I have taken each day to spend as much time as I can with her, because who knows how much more time we have together.  At the end of the day, be with the ones you love.  Never take a moment for granted.

Until next time, have a Great Day and God Bless.